Neil Wad Joff Daz Biddy Baxter Swervin

 

 

 

 

19/06/12

Thanks entirely to the peacekeeping abilities of Mr Les Redfearn I have put this website back on line after taking it off on Saturday night. I was not happy with some of the comments made to me, about this website, and particularly the inference that it is somehow my fault that members did not pay their subs in time for the first match.

Everyone who attended the presentation night was given a full breakdown of the clubs finances and how much each member owed. Finances have been updated online regularly since then, but apparently I should be printing them out and putting them up in the Staff.

There are 25 members in the club, and any of you can print out what you want and put up what you want in the Staff. I pay my subs on time and so do the majority - it isn't hard to do !

This will be my last year sorting the club's finances and this website (which costs me money personally and takes a lot of time and effort to maintain). I will hand over to Les at the end of this year.

Thanks to everyone that has supported this website over the years. I have done my best with it and spent all last Friday night updating it with details of matches and subs and results, but if it isn't what members want, then that's fine with me - i'll turn it into a Gay Porn site or something.

And, to top it all, I was mightily f***ed off only catching one fish at Hayfield on Saturday whilst everyone else was pushing the 100lb mark - I would like to blame the cormorant that was swimming round my peg, but i'm going to have to blame bad angling.

Anyway. Completely up to date finances have been uploaded today so you can see how much you owe or don't owe. But to be honest, I don't really care anymore.

Lots of love,

 

Bob xxx

 

 

15/06/12

Well i've missed the first two matches of the season which is not my best start. I suppose the small issue of me getting married is a reasonable excuse. It's all done and dusted though now and i'm back with a vengance. There's been two matches up to now, Woodlands and Barnborough and Joff has kindly summarised these for me:

Woodlands

Man of match  was without a doubt the winner of the contest young Aaron who doubled his nearest rivals weight with 43lb10 oz’s on peg 4 by the old fountain

presenting pellet down the margin for some nice carp and an enjoyable days fishing. He’s getting better this lad but now hopefully getting a bit distracted by cars

being as he’s just passed his test so we might be safe for a bit longer. Well fished young Aaron!

 

Barnburgh

Man of the match was a popular previous winner of the coveted title young Derek(Atmospheric) Broadhurst who come out tops in a tight battle for second spot

Where only 1lb 6oz’s separated four anglers, Derek just did enough to secure 2nd spot with his 23lb 15oz. Well fished Dek.

Keep an eye out for the launch of Derek’s new Summer range of swimwear, including his popular trousers & polo shirt ensemble.

I've just sat down and updated the finances for this year. I'm afraid that there are 8 members that haven't paid the required £50 by the first match so they have not scored any points for the two matches fished up to now. This rule was agreed at the presentation night in 2010 and there are several reminders on this very page. You only have yourselves to blame lads and I suggest you bring your balcance up tp £50 as soon as possible

The members this affects are:

Member
Paid
 R Emson         46.55   
 P Steedon         46.15   
 M Scott         44.55   
 C Thornhill         15.32   
 T Scott         14.55   
 T Howells           7.80   
 J Wood           2.05   
 B Scott  -        5.95   

 

To see how you are doing this year and how much you have paid see the results and finances page or click here:

2012 Results

2012 Finances

.On another point, Joff has asked many times that if you have won any money in a match, then you collect your money before you shoot off home. This is still not happening so from today (15 June 2012) any winnings not collected on the day will be paid into your subscriptions and paid back on payout night.

 

Cheers Lads and tight lines tomorrow.

 

Bob x

 

 

 

01 April 2012

No, this is not an April fool joke - I have finally got around to making a start on the website this year. First things first, i've had one or two members complain that I haven't told them how much they have paid this year. My answer to that is - you were all given a sheet at the payout last year which clearly showed how much you were bringing forward to 2012, all you need to do is add on the amount you have paid in since then and 'voila' that is how much you owe.

Because I am nice and helpful however, I have done it for you in the table below. One thing I will say this year is that I aint gonna be chasing you for money this year as I simply don't have the time what with work, weddings, and more work. The same rules on amounts needing to be paid in for first and second to last match apply ie. £50 for first match and £80 for second to last match or no points scored for league and and mini league prizes.

Also, I think this may be my last year as Treasurer of the club as it is a pain in the arse to be honest. I will make a decision later in the year depending on whether members have paid up of their own accord or not.

First match is next month and like a pillock i've gone and booked my stag night on the same weekend. Schoolboy error and I hold my hands up and apologise to those that are coming with me.

 

See you soon geezers...

 

Bob x

 

Member B/f from 2011  Paid for 2012  Total Paid for 2012
M Baxter            63.55         40.00                           103.55   
 L Redfearn             50.05         20.00         10.00         20.00                       100.05   
 J Stocks           100.00                             100.00   
 N Ward             85.32                               85.32   
 D Baxter             68.30                               68.30   
 A Easton             60.55                               60.55   
 B Redfearn             56.05                               56.05   
 M Nichols             55.32                               55.32   
 T Frith             48.25                               48.25   
 R Emson             46.55                               46.55   
 P Steedon             46.15                               46.15   
 M Scott             44.55                               44.55   
 N Bennett             23.30         20.00                             43.30   
 B Purseglove             42.82                               42.82   
 G Hardy             24.30                               24.30   
 T Davison             22.80                               22.80   
 C Thornhill             15.32                               15.32   
 T Scott             14.55                               14.55   
 R Gibbon             13.30                               13.30   
 M Holden             10.80                               10.80   
 T Howells               7.80                                 7.80   
 J Beeken               6.55                                 6.55   
 J Wood               2.05                                 2.05   
 D Broadhurst                   -                                      -     
 B Scott  -            5.95          -                     5.95   
Total          947.93           

 

 

 

30/11/11
Hi all so here we are facing a dark winter without the frivolities of the fishing club matches. The payout has gone with special thanks to Michele and Mark, Joff filled the cup (eventually) and after what almost became a scene out of a Wild West saloon brawl we had a vote on how to share prize money next year, the vote was

        - Leave the way the teams and prizes are sorted out as they are = 0 votes

        - Change the teams to a new structure that only Derek could understand = 1 vote (Derek)

        -Pay out on each match depending upon where you come in you respective league = lots of votes

So looking forward to next year you are not only fishing for overall glory in the big league, a cut of the prize money on the day and battling for promotion and to avoid relegation, you are also competing in every match against the other people in your league for the following prize money each match (payable at the end of the season payout )


1st £15
2nd £10
3rd £5


So in the spirit of bull’s-eye ‘let’s look at what you would have won’ (before any other prizes/payout)had this system been in place last season.

 

Angler
New Mini League Prize
2011 Team Prize
Difference
Aaron Easton £60.00 £53.50 +£6.50
Bob Purseglove £15.00 £34.00 -£19.00
Brian Redfearn £60.00 £31.00 +£29.00
Brian Scott £45.00 +£45.00
Craig Thornhill £30.00 £7.50 +£22.50
Daz Baxter £65.00 £51.50 +£13.50
Derek Broadhurst £20.00 £14.00 +£6.00
Greg Hardy £50.00 £14.00 +£36.00
Jamie Wood £30.00 £16.00 +£14.00
Joff Stocks £80.00 £56.00 +£24.00
John Beeken £50.00 £18.00 +£32.00
Les Redfearn £10.00 £42.00 -£32.00
Malc Nichols £45.00 £17.50 +£27.50
Mark Scott £10.00 £33.50 -£23.50
Merv Baxter £60.00 £26.00 +£34.00
Mick Holden £65.00 £25.00 +£40.00
Neil Ward £40.00 £57.50 -£17.50
Nick Bennett £15.00 £27.50 -£12.50
Paul Steedon £25.00 £30.00 -£5.00
Rhys Gibbon £10.00 £12.50 -£2.50
Roy Emson £0.00 £42.50 -£42.50
Ted Howells £0.00 +£0.00
Terry Davison £10.00 £15.00 -£5.00
Terry Scott £25.00 £34.50 -£9.50
Tony Frith £30.00 £41.00 -£11.00

 

 

 

 

 


-

 

 

Merry xmas Neil (and Bob who has added photo's and put this years winnings into the table)

 

 

8 November 2011

IMPORTANT - PRESENTATION NIGHT - FRIDAY 25 NOVEMBER 2011

Right then lads, following my reminder to pay up your subs, I now have enough money to sort out the presentation night... There are still a few of you that owe money so I would appreciate it if you can pay up as soon as possible please:

 

 N Bennett         12.02   
B Scott        13.77   
P Steedon        16.67   
 J Beeken         19.27   
J Wood        21.77   
T Scott        27.77   
M Holden        32.02   

 

The presentation night is provisionally arranged for Friday 25th November 2011 where there will be much drinking, eating and cavorting. Prizes will be awarded and insults will be exchanged. Please make an effort to attend.

Some of you have asked me about ordering some more t-shirts. I will be placing an order after 25th November for anyone that prepays and gives me the size of what they want. You can choose from:

Navy Polo T-shirts with Staffordshire Arms Logo £10

Navy sweatshirts with Staffordshire Arms Logo £12

Navy zip fleece with Staffordshire Arms Logo £15

Navy hoody with Staffordshire Arms Logo £17

 

See you all on the 25th.

Bob x

 

 

 

5/9/11 Fishing Weekend 2011
Hello I do not need to write a report on the weekend because you were all there. What I will do is add a number of bullet points to jog a few memories

  • The function room / bed sharing arrangements
  • Dave wins as an outsider
  • Day one in the big brother house
  • Poppa smurfs bed
  • Upturned shoe box  
  • Joff – this towel doesn’t cover much does it
  • The kings head
  • Bob - Greg, greg, greg, greg,    
  • Greg - well it’s not my fault I were sick, its yours Bob
  • Merv – why am I covered in trainers and bags?
  • Merv – well I did say that I do snore
  • Greg – I don’t think I want breakfast
  • Greg – can you just move from below lads while I shake the sick from this towel
  • Joff regains his crown with Les second
  • Day two and Merv gets evicted from the big brother house
  • Neil – yes lads its room 10 you need to be in!!!!!!!
  • Strange men lurking in only towels reported around room 10
  • You look like her from the royal family
  • No not Tara the fat one from next door who eats everything

Any more that come to mind email them and I will add to this
Regards Neil

22/8/11
Hi, MOM Candy Corner Well done J Beeken on winning the match, he was delighted after the tense weigh in.Man of the match goes to Bri Redders who's bag of carp unluckily didn't include any lumpswhich might have pushed him even higher, but he fished a tidy match and deserves a mention.There where several fish lost on the day which might have changed the look of the resultBut lets not moan about it hey its what you put on the scales that counts. JS

22/8/11 its all over
This year’s honours are;
Joff Stocks winner of both the main and mini league giving him the undisputed title well done Joff
Malc Nichols second in the main league
Neil Ward third in the main league
Paul Steedon biggest fish by far with 17lb 13oz
Daz Baxter winner of the championship and promotion to the premier
Greg Hardy Promotion to the premier
John Beeken promotion to the premier (with a late winner)
Mick Holden winner of not looking so good league and promotion to league 2
Aaron Easton promotion to league 2 (and gets my vote for most improved angler after bouncing back from relation last year to finishing 4th in the main league this year)
Brian Scott promotion to league 2
Brian Redfearn winner of the bucket and promotion to league 2 with a fine string of results

Whenever we have winners we have to have losers who are
Les Redfearn relegated to league 2 and looking for parachute payments
Tony Frith relegated to bucket
Roy Emson relegated to bucket
Terry Davison relegated to bucket
Ted Howells. Bottom of the bucket saving Craig Thornhills blushers after contributing £100 to the club and never fishing!

So lets see how the mini league lines up for 2012 (remember this will be 2 up 2 down in the future)


Premier League

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

total

Joff Stocks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Malc Nichols

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Neil Ward

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derek  Broadhurst

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bob Purseglove

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daz Baxter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Greg Hardy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

John Beeken

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Championship League

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Total

Terry Scott

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mick Holden

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reece Gibbon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nick Bennett

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron Easton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brian Scott

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Les Redfearn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brian Redfearn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cant Catch Fish in a Bucket League 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Total

Merv Baxter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul Steedon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jaimi Wood

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Craig Thornhill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mark Scott

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tony Frith

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roy Emson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Terry Davison

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted Howells

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That just leaves those of us who are going to look forward to the fishing weekend and the stories that it is bound to throw up.
 see you soon - Neil

19/8/11

Sorry for the delay but I messed up.I will update results shortly.

Mini League
One match remains to decide the mini league positions and the all important promotions and relegations.
Working on maximum points available we have the top of the premier league open to either Malc or Joff, while at the bottom its between Bob and Les. Now with Bob missing the last match les could pull off a tie if he gains the maximum 6 points then need a good weight to swing it his way.  I could end up with egg on my face but will stick my neck out and say Les has probably blown it.
In the championship with three going up we have Daz Baxter and Greg the grinder having already done enough to secure top flight fishing for next year. Third position is up for grabs by anyone except Nick unless he wins with a very big weight. Remember no relegations from this league.
The soon to disappear third league is all with a clear split between the two halves of the table and sees the Mick, Aaron and Brian Scott promoted  and Tony, Roy and Terry  in the bucket next year.
Who will escape the bucket next year? This will be decided between Brian and Merv with Paul having an outside chance.

Finally i need to own up to cheating, sorry practicing at Candy corner this week with Malc, Les and atmospheric. The conclusion from the day is that you will need at least 100lb to frame and use no less than 10lb line and size 12 hooks (in other words i am not telling)

Neil

Joffs Man of the Match Aston

 

Lads, Don't know what's happening with website.Not done man of match report for Aston so you can copy & paste it from here. M.O.M was young Arron who dangled his maggot well at 10 metres all day for 22lb of silvers and kicked my arse off the next pegas Atmospheric kindly reminded me. He also kicked the arse of the increasing band of brothers who try to buy their fish with a kilo of worm.Personally im to tight to spend £20 to win £10 quid but good luck to em! There were only around 5 carp caught in the whole match,which is a bit pants. Called in on a mate fishing bottom pond after our match and he was getting a carp a bung.Well done Arron on your win, he's at that age where his brain gets relocated to his todger so hopefully it shouldn't be a permanent thing. JS

 

 

 

 

 

27/7/11
WANTED FOR POLE ABUSE
Once again our much loved poles are suffering abuse from a small number of the angling fraternity. Last year there was mass murderer BIG MALC whose reign of terror lasted the whole season. Now we have reports of pole abuse being taken ‘to the next level and beyond’.
The pole protection agency is desperate to talk to a middle aged angler who goes by the name of Greg who has been reported for untold abuse of a pole at woodlands fishery this month. An eye witness called Joff was reported to say “it was horrible, first he stood on it snapping it in two th, th, th, then came the verbal abuse only to be followed by the unthinkable............... he rubbed gravel into each section then repeatedly pushed the sections together grinding the pole to its death”.  Joff a kind pole lover has been affected by the ordeal and been sleeping with the light on since “it’s the sound, the grinding sound of that poor pole, I can’t get it out of my head. What makes it worse is that my pole was there too and has had to spend the night in my room ever since, it’s a wreak”
While various officials from pole manufacturers want to speak with the man they have kicknamed GREG THE GRINDER anglers are asked to be vigilant on the bank and not leave their poles unattended.


Disclaimer for the anti fun, politically correct police who may be scanning this site any reference to poles in this statement is referring to an angling implement otherwise known as a roach poles, match poles, carp poles, margin poles or whips. NOT our European colleagues from Poland.


Neil  

 

 

26 July

Hello Neil here making my first entry as junior co editor of the web page!!!!!!!!!!!! this may take some time!!!

So be kind to me.

24 July 2011

Firstly, it appears as though the update below has upset a few people as I have had two members phone me up to complain. Firstly, the bloke that Joff 'asumed' he'd given the money to feels strongly that there is inference that he is either forgetful, or at worst dishonest. Secondly, the bloke that Joff doesn't think 'was happy about it' has pointed out that he never even mentioned it, nor was going to do so.

Because of this I have removed the names from my last post.

 

Latest match update... Woodlands gets worse every year. It pissed it down all day, Terry Davison had a tantrum at the draw, stamped his feet and went home because he didn't like his peg, and Joff threw one because he does everything for this club and nobody loves him. Greg took pole abuse to another level.

 

In other news, there will be some administrative changes over how this website is updated over the next few weeks. I'm sure you will have noticed that my updates have become less frequent and there have been delays in updating the results and finance pages. This is due to a number of reasons; i've changed my job, I now work at night as well, i'm sorting my wedding out, and i'm selling my house. All this has meant i've had less time to devote to the smooth maintenance of the website. So fellow fishermen... i'm going to give Neil access to the site to enable him to update the results pages. Hopefully the gold standard service you have come to expect will soon return and Neil won't make a complete balls of it.

 

Any problems? Phone 0800 I DONT CARE

 

Bob x

18th July 2011

*****************************************I M P O R T A N T ***********************************************

Please see the message below from Joff and note my response...

On 18 July 2011 14:01, John Stocks <jstocks@sfel.com> wrote:

Lads, I've attached the results and ive had a bit of a moan in the MoM report. Now Arron told me he hadn't been paid at Little John Lakes, yet I had got it on sheet that all monies had been paid out. I can only assume I'd given it to CENSORED for him. I don't think CENSORED was happy about it and he's a top bloke and I don't want to fall out with him. But its a hectic day for me on the matches and I like to get all the money paid out on the day. There have been other incidents where pay-out has be given to a second party and the winner of the cash tell me weeks later they haven't had it. The answer is simple; Proper fishing clubs have a little presentation in the car park at the end of each match, It takes 5 minutes to announce the first 5 give em a little clap and pay them their winnings. All our lot want to do his get in their cars and dash off. The other thing I have not been happy about is the weighing in. I am trying to implement a system where the nearest 2 pegs to the car park do the weighing in. Now at Woodlands we allocated pegs 5 & 6 and to be fair the lads ( JB and Jamie) obliged by helping and it went much better. So at the draw in future you will be told if you have a weigh peg. I don't expect the senior members like Atmos and Malc to do the weighing in. Malc does a lot for the club any way. There are usually a few lads who help out all the time anyway so a big thanks to such as Frithy, Mick Holden and Neil. Its not just a case of chucking a fiver at me, drawing a peg, fishing, and fucking off. That's not a fishing club. Perhaps you could relate some of this on the web site Neil.

Thanks JS

Rob to John, Malcolm, Neil, neil
show details 19:35 (0 minutes ago)
I agree with all of this and agree that we should introduce will introduce it forthwith...  I will put it on the website now and say that it will be introduced as a rule with effect from the next match unless anyone objects (in which case they are free to run the match day organisations themselves if they think they can do it better).

Cheers Joffy - Bob x

 

 

6th July 2011

It's back, not exactly bigger than ever but, it's back so you can, sit back, make a cup of tea and take a good look at the Staffordshire Arms website once again. I would like to thank you all for coming and also have another few mentions before we start to talk about the fishing...

Firstly i'd like to thank Neil for putting in the effort and updating both the results spreadsheet and the mini league spreadhseet for me. Now Neil doesn't quite have my artistic skills so i'll apologise if the formatting is a bit to cock, but, hey, its there all the same and you can all stop moaning now.

Secondly i'd like to thank Derek for entertaining us all when he fell in at Messingham Sands. Now this wasn't just an ordainary fall. It was a full on head first 18stone of pensioer splash into 6 feet of fish egg filled slimy water. Nice one Dek - especially as you followed it up with your first ever win.

Thirdly, and not leastly (leastly? is that a word?) Id like to thank Big Malc for booking all th matches. Top lad.

Right - well lets talk about the fishing. I'm sure you are all aware that i've been struggling to find time to update this website lately. With this in mind, I will give a somewhat brief summary of the season to date:

Match - Little John Lakes. Crap fishing and I was ill so went home. Brian says i've changed since getting engaged.

Match 2 - Lweden Springs. Marginally better fishing on chopped worm but snapped my pole when leading the field so trailed in a lowly 5th

Match 3 - Messingham Sands. Did not live up to anticipations although some big fish were caught. Controversy remains over Brian Redfearn's enormous carp which wasn't separatetly weighed whist Snek's was. Highlight of day, Derek fell in !

Match 4 - Portland Waters. What a beautiful venue with the best and biggest breakfast yet. Match weights were lower than expected, but most had a good day in the searing heat.

By the way, I messed up a bit with the finance spreadsheet so can you all check how much you have paid and if you think you have paid more then let me know. I have all the payment envelopes so don't try and fiddle !

Match results and mini league should now be up to date - Sorry for delay lads !!!

 

19th June 2011

First of all a huge apology for not updateing this site with the results. I promise it will all br brought up to date with all the results, write ups and photographs just as soon as I return from Glastonbury and Joff emails me the results.

I don't have the time to provide a full write up of the events of yesterday at Messingham Sands, but suffice to say it was an eventful day with Derek Broadhurst providing 99% of the events ! Until I update this site I will leave you with one of the photographs I took yesterday of the man himself and leave you to make your own mind up about what happened.

Thanks by the way to the kind people that have taken the time to sign the guestbook since yesterday. Very good - you made me laugh out loud.

See you all after Glastonbury when normal service will be resumed and everything, including the finance pages will be brought up to date.

Bob x

Derek after he fell in at Messingham Sands

 

16 March 2011

Thanks to Malc's hard work most of the matches are booked for next year and deposits have been paid. You should find that the finances spreadsheet is now up to date and shows how much you owe.

IMPORTANT REMINDER - NEW RULE AGREED AT PRESENTATION NIGHT

Any member who has not paid £50 into club by first match will not receive any points, nor any team prize money for each match they fish until at least £50 is paid.


Any member who has not paid £80 into club by the second to last match will not receive any points, nor any team prize money for each match they fish until at least £80 is paid.

Bob x

 

9 February 2011

Not long now till the season begins and the finely tuned engine that is the Staffordshire Arms angling club roars once more into life.

Behind the scenes, changes are afoot, most notably with Novice Neil's mini league and I quote below in it's his latest press release:

"The existing 4 mini leagues are to become three so this year you are jostling for positions for next year. Once the league is split into three it will operate on a two up two down basis.


So, for this year we have 4 leagues and where you finish at the end of the season dictates your league for the year after. I am open to name suggestions for the new leagues

Below is an illustration to explain what you are fishing for (I have added my name and another name (at random) to show what will happen depending on where you finish this year)

Enjoy

Neil"

 

Mini league promotion and relegation places this year.

29 January 2011

I don't know about anyone else but i'm absolutely choking for a day's fishin ! I know the weather's cold and all that but, hey, I so need a dose of Malc's pole breaking, Tony's fish juggling, Neil's topiary, and Mark's calamitys. Roll on spring but i'm gonna be going again soon if anyone fancies it?

Just to let you all know that i've now put the 2011 finance and results spreadsheet on the site so you can check how much you owe using the 'Results and Finances' link above.

Bob x

Ps. Happy 80th birthday for tomorrow to Dorothy Redfearn !

 

 

14 January 2011

A belated happy new year... To the person that sent me this message by filling in the 'Contact Parkgrange' Form...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

hi,is there an age limit for joining the club?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

You didn't leave an e-mail address for me to reply so my answer is "No" - but the matches can be up to 50 miles away and the club is run from a pub.

 

 

 

17 October 2010

I'm happy to supprt this local company...

Medals Trophies Awards Direct Shipping Overseas and UK Trophy Store Engraving Available.ed

16 October 2010

Staffordshire Arms Angling Club is now on Facebook. Please click 'Like'

Staffordshire Arms AC on Facebook

4 October 2010

The fishing presentation night is arranged for Friday 15th October 2010. Staffordshire Arms 8pm. Be there.

IMPORTANT NOTE: IF YOU WANT YOUR MONEY PAID TO YOU IN CASH ON THE PRESENTATION NIGHT THEN YOU MUST LET ME KNOW. OTHERWISE I WILL ASSUME THAT YOU WANT ME TO ROLL YOUR MONEY FORWARD TO NEXT YEAR.

 

16 September 2010

Two pices of news today - the fishing weekend 2011 is booked and sorted. Once again we will be fishing at Holly Farm Gils Lake on Friday 2 September with a match to be arranged for the Saturday. This will probably be on Trotters at Holly Farm but I will let you know in due course.

The second bit of news is the launch of the Staffordshire Arms monthly fishing magazine 'CRAP FISHING. A one stop information point for everything angling. Issue 1 is in the shops now and features our very own Dreamboy Merv Baxter on the cover with a no holds barred interview on big floats and basket mishaps...

CRAP Fishing - Featuring Swervin Mervin

 

10 September 2010

Message from the Big Man,,,

 

6th September 2010

To those of you that made my weekend in Market Harborough extra special thank you very much ;-) I'm currently on day 2 of my hangover and seem to have mislaid my dignity and self respect - i'm sure I had it with me when I left the Kings Head, but I can't find it anywhere now.

Just to let you know that i've already booked next years weekend. Once again we will be staying in the Copperfield Hotel at Market Harborough due to them giving me back £120 and offering a fantastic discount to book again. I need to book some fishing matches and will probably book Holly Farm again on the Friday with Saturday up for discussion - just let me know if you have any suggestions.

I'm still chuckling at some of the stories but they aren't really the sort of things that ought to be shared on here... If you want to know what happened, well you will just have to make sure you come next year won't you.

I'll be in touch when I have the details of the presentation night - in the meantime. Take care all.

 

Rob x

 

1 September 2010

That is that. The door to the Staffordshire Arms Angling Club 2010 fishing season draws to its inevitable conclusion. Along the way there's been laughter (remember Rhys putting the postcode of Kiveton Waters into his Sat Nav and turning up to fish at the owners house 5 miles away?) and tears (who can forget Malc's tantrum at Loxley and the sound of crushed carbon, closely followed by a tirade of expletives, and the Big Man standing up, turning his back on the lake and his fellow anglers and taking the offending section and smashing it into pieces).

There have been surprises as well. A word must be said for the League's most improved angler Mr Nicholas Bennett. In 2009 Nick came a lowly 15th with a derisory 82 points - This year he's got himself a big swinging dick of an ego by systematically destroying all in his path and ending the season a much improved 5th (well actually joint 5th with me) with a massive 112 points only 3 points off third.

I've had the inevitable run ins with Brian, all in good humour this year thankfully. I've had the inevitable moans at the usual can't be arsed to pay my subs culprits, and following the sad death of Gerry Pickford, it was also inevitable that a Redfearn would take pride of place as stand out leader in the dead pool betting. Bri put in a good effort being hospitalised with a suspected stroke and lumped on heavily only to end up very much alive and remained favourite for most of the season only to be passed at the final hurdle by his brother Les who, if things continue, will be lucky to finish reading this update.

I would like to thank Joff for winning everything in front of him. I'd like to, but i'm not going to. I'd also like to thank everyone who responded to my last e-mail and paid up their subs. It is appreciated lads - just try and do it on your own next year eh...

I've updated the spreadsheet and the mini league and am pleased to announce that yours truly will once again be playing premier league angling next year. I've also worked out the payout and everyone is free to look and check all the results, finances and let me know if i've made any mistakes.

I now have an important message about the payout so listen carefully:

Last year I spent ages going to the bank, counting and checking everyone's payout and putting it in envelopes only for most of them to be immediately handed back to me on presentation night. Therefore, I will only be giving payouts to those that contact me and ask for their money. Everyone I don't hear from will have their money automatically carried forward to next year.

That's it for now my friends. It is the fishing weekend this coming Friday and I for one can't wait. I'll update this page as soon as I have details of the presentation night.

 

Love to you all,

 

Bob x

 

 

10/08/2010

Important message sent to members by e-mail from me. If you haven't received it then I don't have your e-mail address - please send it to me using the contact parkgrange button above:

Hiya fellas,

A few of the lads still owe some money for the fishing subs. I've worked out some figures for likely payouts and team prizes and two people will still be short so I won't be able to pay everyone out or sort the presentation night unless they pay up.

I don't have their numbers or e-mail addresses so will you do what you can to help me get them to pay please? Either forward this e-mail to them or print it out and staple it to their forehead - I'll name and shame them on the website, but other than that there is little that I can do and to be honest I'm getting a bit fed up asking people to pay all the time - everyone knows how much they need to pay yet some think it is fine not to bother.

The lads that still owe money that won't be covered by their payout/team prizes are:

Terry Scott - owes £60 and needs to pay at least £35 to be clear
John Beeken - owes £40 and needs to pay at least £30 to be clear

There are a few others that owe up to £20, but I can offset this against their payout and team prizes.

Please help me get them to pay, but in the meantime this is what I will do...

1. No-one will be paid out and the presentation night will not be arranged until there is enough money in the club to do so.

2. When we do have the presentation night I will propose that:
Any member who has not paid £50 into club by first match will not receive any points, nor any team prize money for each match they fish until at least £50 is paid.
Any member who has not paid £80 into club by the second to last match will not receive any points, nor any team prize money for each match they fish until at least £80 is paid.
If members choose to vote against my proposals then that is fine, but I will hand in my notice and someone else can do all the hard work.

Cheers

Bob x

 

 

 

 

The mini league page has been updated and this is what Novice Neil has to say...

"Ok One match left some positions mathematically sorted and some arses now twitching let’s have a look
Premiership


Joff Stocks

Well done to the big man, top of the league and top of the mini, well done

Neil Ward

Premiership secured for next year (of course)

Malc Nichols

Has it all to do next match if life in the big time is to continue

Les Redfearn

May well stay up with a three point lead on the followers

Greg Hardy

Oh dear! Was that night out worth it? Getting pissed has left him in the drop zone

John Beeken

Could well stop up considering Joff is going for the big ones next match (half a tin of luncheon meat on a size 2 hook)

Championship


Derek  Broadhurst

PROMOTED provided he turns up and get a point next match. well done Derek hope you are ready to mix it with the big boys

Bob Purseglove

ALMOST PROMOTED if he only gets a point next match and Daz gets six it will go down to combined match weights throughout the season. Time for those bum cheeks to start a twitching big man, big time is on the horizon

Daz Baxter

Could upset BOB (see above) but has it all to do but will definitely be in the Championship next year.

Brian Scott

Mathematically if Brian knobbles Bob and Daz so that they miss next match and he gets six points he could go up!!!! More realistically I would be watching out from them below because you are far closer to the drop zone.

Reece Gibbon

Well Reece is looking to Brian or Daz to drop a huge one  and take his place in the drop zone  

Aaron Easton

RELIGATED league one next year I am afraid. Still keep your pecker up (remember you are up against men (one or two anyway)) and come back older and wiser next season and show all those old gits how to do it.

League 1
 


Nick Bennett

PROMOTED AS CHAMPION with a match to spare! Well done mate a bloody good season and well deserved.

Mark Holden

 

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
What have you all been effing about at
You could all go up but then again you could all go down with Mark being favorite to move up and Meve Favorite to go down.
This should make for a very interesting weigh in. let’s face it lads two of you are going to the pit of despair while one gets the esteem of the championship.

Brian Redfearn

Terry Scott

Tony Frith

Merve Baxter

 

 

Can’t Catch Fish In A Bucket League
 


Roy Emson

PROMOTED AS CHAMPION well done Roy you deserve to be away from this league

Paul Steedon

 

All looking good but not good enough yet. Come on! The prize is
to get away from this humiliation or face another year of ridicule
from your peers.

Jamie Wood

Terry Davison

Mark Scott

Craig Thornhill

Started late but shown good form should be one to watch next year

Ted Howells

WHO

 

Neil "

 

9/8/2010

All results are in and with one match to go Joff takes the title with places and the biggest fish all down to the last match. Can Nick snatch 2nd ? Not if he fishes like he did at Lindholme he won't.

 

8/8/2010

Well this is a first - updating the website with todays results on the same day as we fished the match ! I took a photo of the results sheet so could add the results on for you straight away rather than waiting for Joff to get his arse into gear (you will have to wait on Joff and Neil for the Team and Mini league updates though.

Lindholme Results Sheet

As usual, there was a fair dose of eventfulness and, whilst the fishing wasn't the best, there are still a few things to report.

Firststly we seem to have found a decent Sunday morning breakfast joint in the form of stockyard transport cafe at Hellaby - a decent breakfast and highly recommended by me. Most of the club's breakfast crew met here before moving off to Lindholme.

We were fishing the Bonsai Lake and were given, surprise surprise, the lowest 30 pegs for our 25 members. I drew peg 12 with, as expected, Bri Redfearn in 11, and with Nick Bennett in 13. Current leader Joff was in 14 and Sweary Rhys was in 10. My peg was 14.5 metres to the island with a nice little gap between the next island.

Lindholme Bonsai Peg 12 Perfect eh ? 100lb at least ?

So the match record for the lake is 280lb - nice balmy weather, slight tow on the water, overcast, lake fishing its nads off - we're all looking at 100lb aren't we ? Are we b******s !

I've stocked up on maggot, pellet, caster, sweetcorn, truncheon meat, cheese, and paste. A small pot of micro pellets under the left bank in the picture fishing caster just on the shelf should see me off to a good start shouldn't it? WRONG !

To cut a long story short, the lake didn't live up to it's reputation with everyone struggling. That's fishing I suppose. I finished with 11lb13 (it would have been 11lb 15, but Nick plundered his 2oz out of my peg for his weigh in). For once, Brian and I got on well - I didn;t fish in his peg and he didn't fish in mine. He even advised me on how to fish the margin in the last hour of the match which saw me bag 4 nice Ide. The same can't be say for Nick though who cupped cup after cup of crap into his own peg such that it was overfed by 10.15. With no chance of taking owt from his own peg he decided to fish mine, but not up to my standards only managed to take 2oz from it. Clearly his early season form has deserted him and he's now back to his usual crapness.

Special mention this week as well for two more alleged cheats...

1. Mark Scott

Having caught nothing at all Mark decides he needs to take a dump and sets off to the cludger. Meanwhile John and Terry see his rod in the water and land a decent fish for him which the put in his net. Mark then weighs the fish in meaning he beats at least 4 anglers unfairly. Well i've removed the fish Mark which means you finished in your rightful place - last.

2. John Beeken

Now this is only an allegation - I have no idea whether it is true or not but I will report it here anyway. Joff alleges that Beeken pulled two pegs out of the draw bag, looked at them, picked the good peg, and put the crap one back. Hmmmmmmmmm.... True? A malicious allegation? You decide.

 

I'm getting a bit bored now writing this so am going to get another can from the fridge. When I get the team results and the mini league update again i'll be back. Watch this space lads.

 

Bob x

 

PS. The photos from Lindholme have been uploaded. Make sure you look out for Terry Scott in his little crop top - it is really good to see that he's finally managed to beat his lifelong battle with anorexia.

 

 

21 July 2010

A big thank you to Novice Neil for sending me the mini league update which i've just uploaded. Given that i've not wrote much about the last match yet i'll give Neil the credence he deserves and put his mini league update on the first page. Cheers fella.

 

Staffordshire Arms Mini League Update

With 12 points left to fish for (14 in bucket league) things are warming up let’s see what we have got

Premiership

With Joff still top spot we have Les making a dash for it and pushing John into last spot but with only 3 points between third and sixth it’s anyone’s!

Championship

Bobs big whopper (well done mate) has put him back as joint top while Aaron has taken up residence in the bottom spot

League 1

Nick proves his worth again and moves ever nearer promotion along with mark while Tony, Terry and Merve face it off for relegation 

Can’t Catch Fish In A Bucket League

New member Craig has come in and won his league this week (come on Handsworth) but at this late stage will be unable to catch Roy or Paul. Terry Jamie or Mark however are all within a shout of promotion Neil   

Neil

 

19 July 2010

Reet - i've just spent the last two hours messing about with the fishing club spreadsheet so haven't got time to write up the events of yesterday at Woodhouse Grange which saw me catch this 15lb 7oz Carp...

My contender for Biggest Fish 2010 - 15lb 7oz

 

Also - we have another nomination for the Mr Staffordshire Arms 2010 Title - Contestant D - Les Redfearn - Likes triathalon challenges, extreme sky diving and helping little old ladies across the road:

Contestant D - Les Redfearn

 

The league has been updated and i've uploaded the photos from Woodhouse Grange. I'll try and get time to write an account of the day later in the week.

Ciao

 

Bob x

 

17 July 2010

Not strictly fishing club related, but i've been asked to upload the photographs from last weekend's trip to Robin Hoods Bay. Here they are - *** warning - contains pictures of Bri Redders with his kit off !***

 

16 July 2010

Mini league update is now sorted thanks to Neil who has penned the following words of wisdon...

Over half way there and moving swiftly on from woodlands (which for me was crap) let’s look at the movers and shakers


Premiership


With Joff holding on to top spot we have Les, Greg (not very happy to find you get no points for not weighing in nor that you do not drop your worst match in this league) and John now firm favourites for the drop who will survive?

Championship


With an atmospheric dominance in the championship Bob is now faced with trying to hold on to the second position with Reece and Daz in contention. Looking at the drop zone Aaron and Brian need to come up with some points. 

League 1


 Nick and mark still hold the promotion spots (Nick is now joint second in the big league with me and I intend to leave a bum deposit in his bait prior to Sundays match) and the other four could all slip up with no clear bottom two. Mind you if Brian keeps smashing poles he may be worth a bet. 

Can’t Catch Fish In A Bucket League


Roy seems to be putting some distance between him and the rest with the second spot very much up for grabs. Bob has finally accepted that his friend really was a figment of his imagination and will be removing him from the league, but in the spirit of fairness I will still be awarding 7 points to the winner of the league each time.
 

Neil

 

5 July 2010

Guess what lads ? Joff has sent me the results already so i've uploaded them to the results pages. Looks like the pressure got to Neil finishing well down the table. Seems as though he might have had a Malc type mardy fit as well because he's been texting me constantly asking me to change the picture of hime with his top off and remove the word celibacy from yesterday's update. Well mate, i've done as you ask and just hope you get back to winning form as soon as possible. One Malc is enough.

Special mention to Merv who fished like a pro to finish 7th with over 17lb. Pity it was for only 20 minutes mid match - the rest of the match he caught diddly squat !

 

4 July 2010

The website is back up to full speed following my Glastonbury exploits so i've a few things to update you on...

First, Malc's tantrum. Most of you know already that Malc could be described with one or two adjectives beginnng with 'M' such as Moaning or Miserable... Readers of this site will also know that he's taken it upon himself this season to systematically destroy his pole section by section by stepping on the sections and Loxley was no different. As time was about to be called there once aghain was the sound of crushed carbon eminating from Moaning Malc's peg, closely followed by a tirrade of expletives far too colourful to be documented on a family website like this. Of course, his fellow anglers were sympathetic to his plight, no-one laughed and no-one called him a clumsy F****r.

What followed was hilarious. Big Malc standing up, turning his back on the lake and his fellow anglers for a few moments before taking the offending section and smashing it into pieces. Now if you've seen the Fawlty Towers episode where Basil takes a tree branch and starts thrashing his car then you won't be far off. After the section was suitably punished, the big fella then ensured it's demise by jumping up and down on it just to be sure and declaring 'That's it - i'm packing in - i'm serious' (Yawn - when has there been a match where Malc has not said he's going to pack in).

Second - yesterday was Woodlands which is one of our favourite venues. After two weeks of solid sunshine though, the fishing on this occasion was noty the best with a shade under 40lb winning it (Joff of course, surprisingly using a hair rigged piece of stick float shaped like a micro pellet !). I'll post the results here as and when I receive them from Joff but in the meantime, take a look at these fine specimens of the male form (Chippendales and Dream Boys spring to mind). Personnally I think that our club could be nominated as the most good looking club in the UK... What do you think girls ?

 

Contestant A - Jonathan. Likes Fashion, Cookery and has a vision of World Peace

Jonathan Stocks

 

Contestant B - Merv - Likes Art and Poetry and supports the plight of Brazilian Street Children

Merv Baxter

 

Contestant 3 - Neil - Likes Loaded Pizza and Sex. Lots and lots of sex*

Neil Ward

* Just in case you are wondering - this image and description has been censored at the request of Neil.

Thirdly - the Loxley photos and results have been updated and the finance pages are up to date (apart from payments made Friday and Saturday 2/3 July). Also the Woodlands photos are now uploaded and Novice Neil has updated the mini league.

Enjoy and watch this space for the up to date league and mini league.

Next match is Woodhouse Grange - Sunday 18th July.

Bob x

 

30 June 2010 - Results belatedly updated...

Sorry geezers for the delay in updating the results. As you know i've been abusing my body to the extremes in Glastonbury and didn't have access to my laptop there so couldn't update. I've updated the loxley result now though and there is a surprise in the shape of Nick currently sitting up there with the best of em.

The teams have not been updated yet because Joff mistakenly sent me the Kiveton tem results again. As soon as he sorts it i'll update here. I'll update the mini league as well when Neil gets round to sending me the details.

Saturday sees us at Woodlands and the message on the streets is...

"Bob,

If any of the Handsworth Mafia require a breakfast at Woodlands would you please ring up sometime before Saturday to order them.

All those fishing in the match will be required to use TWO keepnets, one for carp and one for silverfish, due to the amount of silverfish deaths that they have had in matches recently.

I have informed some of the members but I haven't got many of the e-mail addresses.

Malc"

 

I'm too tired to put the photos on but rest assured i'll sort everything out as soon as this damn Glastonbury hangover subsides.

See you all Satdy,

Bob x

 

21 June 2010 - Malc in Huge Tantrum Shocker

Just a very brief update from me because I am a busy bloke. Been promoting fraud awareness on an event in the Peace Gardens today and might make it onto Calendar or Look North tonight...

The update from the match at Loxley will be delayed until at least Tuesday 29 June because as of tomorrow I will be at Glastonbury at the worlds biggest and best party. Rest assured though that enough happened to fill a small novel, not least Big Malc's almighty Tantrum when he stepped on his pole (again). Luckily, yours truly was there with the camera !!!

So Lads. Sorry and all that, but you will have to wait until the end of Glasto for your update and league tables.

See you in a week all

Bob x

 

25 May 2010 - Mini League and other news

Neil shows Joff the way in providing a prompt update of the mini league, together with a comprehensive write up of the current ups and downs. See the Mini League page for details. Well done mate.

I've finally deleted the old website but still have a copy on my home computer if anyone still wants anything from it.

I've also added a news in brief section to the fron page and will use this for anything that takes my fancy, or anything that members want adding to it - classified ads, personals etc, or as with today, a message from Malc.

TTFN

Bob x

 

24 May 2010 - Finally !!!

Well at long frickin last, Joff has got his tiny backside off his missus and sent me the results which i've duly transferred to the results page for you perusal and entertainment. Two matches down and there are some big names (and by names I mean bellys) that appear to be struggling and others, like Blackpool, that are punching above their weight.

Lets have a look at the table at the moment and see if we can draw some conclusions up to now...

1st

J Stocks - No surprises here

2nd

N Ward - fishing like he's not had a shag since Christmas

3rd

M Nichols - is he over the hill?

4th

N Bennett - What the f**K ? What's Nick doing in the top 5 never mind the top 10 !

5th

G Hardy - Mr Almost man as usual

6th

M Holden - Lost 2 stone (now down to 18'12) and fishing well

7th

T Davison - Who ? !!!

8th

B Redfearn - Could be a surprise package this year (if he doesn't kipper it first)

9th

B Purseglove - Mr Mid Table Mediocrity as usual. No wonder i'm called Sideshow

10th

D Broadhurst -Atmospheric. Currently injured so expect better things when fit.

11th

J Beeken - Will he fail to make the top 10 this year?

12th

R Emson - Unknow quantity. Looks average.

13th

L Redfearn - One hit wonder ? Best days are behind him

14th

P Steedon - Consistent (consistently shit)

15th

T Scott - Reliable (well you can rely on him to blank in a flyer)

16th

T Frith - If he spent as much time fishing as he does mooching he could do OK

17th

M Baxter - Could be a bad year for Merv and his big float

18th

D Baxter - Another Baxter that looks like having a mare this year. Best get another tattoo

19th

J Wood - Has he joined just to make the numbers up?

20th

R Gibbon - Fishing as well as he can navigate

21st

B Scott - The best of the Scott brothers (still shit though)

22nd

A Easton - Shows promise but prefers TWOCing to fishing

23rd

M Scott - Would be last if Steve and Ted turned up

24th

S Sharpe - Unknown quanity - Watch this spaec

25th

T Howells - Played nil scored nil

 

Neil will no doubt send me the mini league table to update shortly... watch this space.

 

Bob x

 

 

18 May 2010

Still no sign of the results sheet from Joff ????

I've put the pictures from Kiveton Waters on the Photos page... Have a look at the picture above and see if you can spot which one it was taken from. As i'm sure you will appreciate - i've been busy putting in the hours trying to get this website changed so I haven't really had time to give a full and frank account of events at Kiveton Waters, but rest assured that there were the usual shinannigans including:

- Rhys putting the postycode of Kiveton Waters into his Sat Nav and turning up to fish at the owners house 5 miles away.

-Nick getting his first ever league win (well done geezer)

- New member Steve not turning up (his Dad died though so we'll let him off)

- Malc breaking his pole

 

Overall it wasn't the best of days - Kiveton Waters is quite open and I think we all struggled with the brisk breeze blowing across the lake. I struggled to finish with 5lb14oz with the winner only getting 13lb14.

Me at Keveton Waters

 

 

17 May 2010

I'm still tweaking this website so there will be more changes over the coming days. If anyone has any thoughts on what I should include then please let me know. Joff hasn't sent the results yet (strange how it takes longer when he doesn't win?!). Luckily, though, our winner, Nick has penned a brief summary of how he won the match...

"first off i drew peg 23, started setting up on pole, set 1 top up for the margins (which i never used) and one straight out to 12 meters. Thinking to myself this is going to be hard work at 12 meters, being as though it was blowing a force 9 gail across my pole!!!Feeding caster and micro pellet i put half a home grown worm on a 16 hook and with in the first half hour i had my first carp and 2 silver fish. At this point i thought I'm in for a good day. Things went well all morning and by this time i probably bagged about 10 lb, Les kept the sarky comments coming about me catching another one!! then for some odd reason things just died but looking round the lake in wasn't just me. I still thought i was doing well but the afternoon was very slow, i had made a few changes but went back to my home grown worms. i had a few more silver fish and ended up weighing in at 12lb 14oz to take FIRST PLACE just winning malc b y 1oz.

nick"

 

Our good friend Malc has also asked me to put this message on here...

"Well done to Nick on winning at Kiveton Waters.

This is his first league win and shows how much he has improved -the lucky ba****d, one fekkin ounce.

Seriously, really well done.

Malc.,

P.S

Does anyone know a scrap man who wants some pieces of broken carbon fibre, I seem to be producing a lot of it this season."

 

10 May 2010

Two pieces of news today that I shall report, word for word, in the order they were received. The first, courtesy of the person below, Brian Redfearn (don't ask !), is an alternative account of the seasons opener...

Brian Redfearn - WTF ?

"First match of the season and it’s started already! 

Friday night, Rockhard Redfearn and Super Float Merv Baxter coupled with too much beer and not enough brains, banging on about me buying all heavy gear (line and elastics) all I said is that I’m just going for the bigger fish this year, They said that buying heavier gear doesn’t make you a better fisherman, well that may be the case however I believe it will take me higher up the league than last years 20th. Things got a bit loud, fingers started pointing, and heads started shaking at this point I decided to place a £20:00 bet with Rockhard on who would finish above who (pretty daft really as he finished third last year) and as for Super float, Mr lighthouse himself, well he just went on, and on, and on. Time to get a Taxi ! ! ! 

Merv's Super Float

Saturday came and guess what, I had decided to meet up with Mark, Terry, Brian,(all Scotts) and Frithy, only to find out that no one knew where Little John Lakes were ????? After 14 laps of Ollerton, much to the bemusement of the locals, especially the young girl walking her dog who we passed about 6 times from all different direction thanks to Mark-Mark our SAT NAV system that we where following. We finally made it, only to find out that I have drawn peg 13 this can not be good. I made my way around to find that on one side I have Reece (good for a laugh and a Wednesdayite to boot) and on the other the side, the head of the infamous Handsworth Gay Cheating Bastards Gang SIDESHOW BOB. To make things worse because of Mark Scotts powers of navigation (which can only be compared to Mark Thatchers) I missed Bob falling flat on his face “Bugger”  

The Match started and I was going very well, a couple of pounds in the first hour, the lads around me were a bit slow (not only in fishing terms) and I was keeping an eye on SIDESHOW BOB, (peg 12) on the pole and catching nowt! Now I do not proclaim to be any good as a fisherman but I know a man who is “Joff” and what he does best is stick to what he intended to do with regards to the type of fishing, pole, feeder, etc, keeping at it and making it work even when he doesn’t seem to be catching owt, but he always makes good. SIDESHOW as I now realise just waits for an hour watching everyone else, see’s who’s catching then fishes the same as them, very professional. Take this scene from earlier on in the day as the Handsworth boys were buying their bait:-

Shop Keeper, “Morning Sideshow, Morning the rest of you Handsworth gay boys (Neil I’m not trying this year Ward, Potty trained Nick, and Gregg Steak Bake)

Sideshow, “Morning my good man

Shop Keeper, “Where are you boys off to and what can I get you Mr Sideshow”

Sideshow, “We’re off to Little John Lakes, and I’ll take a little of every bait you have please”

Shop Keeper, “Not sure on how you’re going to fish this one then”

Sideshow, “I know exactly on how I’m going to fish this, the same as I always fish, copy anyone who is catching!!!!! Failing this I’ll just cheat on the weigh-in, it’s always worked out ok for me and the boys in the past hasn’t boys”

Handsworth mob in harmony, “Yes O Great and Wise one”  

His tactics on this day cost me dearly, not only did he decide to change from pole to feeder, he decides to fish exactly in my spot, and I mean exactly in my spot. I couldn’t believe it, despite my pleading with him to fish in his own peg he just carried on as if he owned the place, Sneck, Derek, Reece, all agreed that this spot was in my peg, and guess what, the only fisherman (well I say fisherman,) to say that the spot was in SIDESHOWS peg was Neil, yes that’s right Handsworth very gay (check the photo;s out on the web page) cheating git Ward. Sideshow went to great lengths to vindicate his right to fish my peg by taking photos of the “Bush” where I had been fishing prior to his take over and “our pegs”, making sure that the angles he took them from favoured his peg, well he would wouldn’t he. These I have no doubt will feature on the web page however may I remind all parties that a Newspaper once published a photo of a London Bus on the Moon, I believe and hope that no one in our club was fooled into thinking that this picture was for real, it’s the same as Sideshows photo’s “unbelievable” 

Needless to say, Sideshow, managed to ruin my chances in the match, but I did come in12th, which is good for me, and I did come above Rockhard, Superfloat, Terry the Silver back Scott, “Marcus Tours of Ollerton”, “Daz I miss my gay friend out of the PET SHOP BOYS Baxter”, and Eric the Bastard Scott. This brought me £30:00 in on side bets, very nice. It was also noted that during the weigh-in once we discovered that we had three anglers on the same weight (Sneck, Terry Davidson, and Roy) someone asked how the points would be decided between them Sideshow shouted out through their post codes, obviously meaning that Handsworth area code would be prior to Pitsmoor, dream on boy!  The points will be equalled out between them.  

I would also like to congratulate Gregg Steak Bake, for fishing very well at Little John Lakes, when I asked what he caught them on he replied, Pegs 20, 21, 22, spoken like a true Handsworth gay boy, you must be proud of him Sideshow? 

Last of all I will end with a few words about last night at the Staff, Bob brought a New member into the fold STEVE, someone who had seen our Web page, liked what he saw, and wanted to join. Sideshow introduced him to Rockhard, Superfloat, Plump breasted Joff, and myself. It was during this time having a drink and a laugh as you do that it came to light that he is in fact another HANDSWORTH boy, well, well, well, watch this space after the next match and I’ll give you my thoughts on the New Boy!!!!! 

PS Sorry to my grandson, Aaron, but I did say that this year I would hammer you! I think you’ll notice that we’ve played 1 and I’ve won 1 Get in there my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

As penned by Brian Redfearn... Thanks Bri

The second piece of news is courtesy of Novice Neil Ward who thinks we should introduce a further element of competition into our club (as if there isn't enough already !). Neil has agreed to introduce and manage the Staffordshire Arms AC mini league which can be found here. This is what he says about it...

"

Staffordshire Arms Mini League Update 

Right first things first, before all the fossils out there start to panic nothing in the club has changed you still fish for points in the main league and anyone could win it. This is a little something on the side (chance would be a fine thing). Depending upon your league place last year I have split the club into 4 leagues which will work like so;

If you beat all the other people in your league you will get 6 points (7 in the bottom league) 5 points if you come second, 4 for third and so on.

At the end of the season if you are top of your mini league you go up, if you are bottom you go down under a barrage of abuse. Simple eh?

In the case of a draw it will go down to your average weight for the season unless you are from Handsworth then you win!

If you do not weigh in or don’t fish you get no points so make sure you turn up. (there is no dropping your worst match)

New members will start in the bottom league.

If anyone leaves there will be double promotions to maintain 6 per league with the numbers in the bottom league variable.

As I said the main league is unchanged so if you have a cracking season you could win the big league and gain promotion in your mini league. Good luck (if you are from handsworth)Anyway looking at the league I obviously am in the premier league with other top anglers like Joff and malc, oh and a few other pretenders to the big time. It’s too early to see any patterns at the moment but no doubt the race will be on to gain promotion and avoid relegation. Updates to follow after each match.  
Neil

-----------------------------------------------------

In other news this week, it looks like we might have a Tory government and the next match is this Saturday at Kiveton Waters (which, Bri, is not Kiveton Hall Farm). They provide the keepnets - see you there.

Sideshow Bob xxx

 

4 May 2010

Joff emailed me the results today and i've just updated them. I was in a bit of a rush so please check and let me know of any errors - I know about the formatting but haven't got time to sort it right now so will do that when I can.

Looks like Greggs Steakbake is punching above his weight already in third.

The vacant place has been taken by Steve Sharpe who contacted me via this website some time ago to ask about joining. All being well he will be coming to the Staff on Friday night to go through the initiation ceremony of farting the national anthem in b minor accompanied by Malc on the his double bass arse. If all goes well he will sign up and we can agree what to do about missing the first match etc.

Bonjour for now... Bob

2nd May 2010

Well.  Well. Well.  The first match of the season was finally upon us and, with a minor pause whilst Novice Neil put on his Staffordshire Arms AC T-shirt on, we set the sat-nav to take us NG22 and Little John Lakes - departing Universal Angling at Intake at 7:15.  Breakfast was to be taken at an unspecified cafe along the way arriving t our destination in time for the 8:45 draw. Naked Neil

Breakfast in Tesco

All good plans and all that... As it happened the journey from Sheff to Ollerton is devoid of quality eating establishments so we found ourselves at 7:57 waiting for Breakfast in Tesco, Ollerton. With a minor argument over the opening times (Tesco’s Fatty said open in 5 minutes when our watch said 8am) we sat down to eat.  Well me, Gregg and Novice Neil sat down to eat – Gregg was waiting for his YTS Tesco fatty to finish his breakfast.  And what a bollocks she made of it too!  A tin of tomato juice, a tin of bean juice, and no egg does not a breakfast make.  It’s a good job Rockhard wasn’t there or the lot would have gone.
So.  Onwards to Little John Lakes which we surprised to find is located in the middle of a residential estate.  It’s a modern, friendly venue with two lakes at the moment although it looks like they are building another one.  We were on the Maid Marion Lake which has around 25 pegs, each about 20 metres or so way from a two fairly featureless islands.

Little John Lakes

Joff paying his subs - fuck me ! Joff did the draw with relative ease and I almost soiled my pants when he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a scrap-dealer sized wad of twenties offering to pay his full subs.  Now I don’t usually take subs at matches but, knowing Joff is as tight as a Nun’s chuff I had to make an exception and am pleased to report that his credit rating is no longer on a par with that of Greece.

 

It’s a pity Brian Scott can’t adopt the same approach to paying his subs.  We have rules you know in this club and one of them is no payee £50 by first match, no fishee first match.  I tried to explain to Mr Scott, who sarcastically offered me a quid.  Game on, Scotty – watch this space – yeehaw.

I drew peg 12 with my obligatory peg partner, Brian Redfearn next door in 13.  Luckily, when I fell flat on my face carrying my stuff over the little fence, Brian was not around so the less said about that the better.

Anyway, I digress.  All this waffle detracts from the main story of the day which centres around a little bush on the far bank mid way between peg 12 and peg 13.  My approach for the day was to feed dead red maggot heavily on my pole line, alternating between that and dead red fished hard to the island bank feeding pre-soaked micro pellet.  Off I went – 8 metres out, 4 feet deep putting a nice ide and a small bream in my net within half an hour.

 

My Captain Calamity Counterpart in peg 13, however, chose to use a goundbait feeder fished using a scatter gun approach all over his peg.  Now I believe Big Red was attempting to fish to the far bank as well but through his effing and blinding I think I picked up something about a knot in his line affecting his casting.  The average cast, however, was about 6 feet away from the bank and somewhere around said bush.  And by said bush, I mean MY BUSH !!! as i’m sure this photograph demonstrates.

 

My bush

The arguments over who should fish to the bush raged all day, only made worse by my occasional miscast over to the right of the bush (which of course I left in the water).  Brian chose the easy option of blaming me when the quality of his poor fishing declined further and, much to my delight, it was a fish a chuck from then on...

To my left was fellow baldee John Beeken and to his left was Derek ‘Testicles’ Broadhurst.  I spent most of the day listening to Beeken’s Auf Weidesen Pet That’s Living Alright Ringtone which he was gabbling on most of the day, in between chuntering about losing fish... And talking about losing fish... The quote of the day went like this:

Rhys (on a fish to bank ration of around 5%):

“Yay – i’ve got yer now yer b*****d – thaaa’t not gerrin off”

Two seconds later...

“F****n, B*****d, c**t”

 

I haven’t updated the results page yet because Joff hasn’t sent me them but I will do so as soon as they arrive.  In the meantime... all photos from the day can be found here and remember everyone that Tightarse of the year is currently Mr Brian Scott.

 

30 April 2010

Right then you set of bumders - what the heck am I doing working on this and sorting the clubs finances out on a fecking Friday night when I should be in the pub with you lot.

I have a few news snippets for you before the season kicks off (or should that be casts off?) tomorrow at Little John Lakes. The first is that Billy Toulson has had to terminate his membership with the club. As i'm sure some of you are aware, Billy has struggled for some time both with his sexuality and also his lack of fishing ability. This came to a head tonight when he phoned me to explain he just can't take the bender jokes any longer and can't face another season stuck in the trees.

Believe me, I did my best to convince him to stay - I even said i'd have him a specially made pink Staffordhire Arms AC t-shirt made to compliment his ginger locks but he was having none of it. His mind was made up.

So that's it - we have a vacancy for another member. I was contacted a few weeks ago via this website by someone who may be interested so will speak to you all tomorrow about inviting him - otherwise, i'll open the door on a first come first served basis eh?

Little John Lakes tomorrow it is then. They provide all nets and weigh us in so lets see if we can have a good day. See you in the morning at:

Little John Lakes
Maida Lane
Ollerton
NG22 9RG

Oh - and Brian Scott - pay some subs will you, yer tight git. This will be my one and only warning before I start the abuse !!!

5 March 2010

All matches now sorted for next year (apart from Woodlands). See the Match Fixtures page for details.

 

23 February 2010

Another match booked for next year... Messingham Sands, Swan Pond, Saturday 18th June 2011

16 February 2010

Pancake day today - no doubt all you fattys will be finishing early to get the frying pan on. Just to let you know that three matches for 2011 have now been booked:

Little John Lakes (Robin Hood Lake) - Saturday 14 May 2011
Portland Waters (4 Islands Lake) - Saturday 2 July 2011
Candy Corner (Hoskers) - Sunday 21 August 2011

24th January 2010

Good afternoon and a belated happy new year to you all. Well, I have finally got around to updating this website - there is little to say between October and April so apologies for those of you that eagerly check this website every day.

Firstly, I would like to extend a big Staffordshire Arms Angling Club "Hello" to our new members Jamie Wood and Roy Emson. These lads come with excellent references from our very own Terry Scott so if that's anything to go by then i'm anticipating flatulence of the highest level but not much in the way of fishing ability. Anyway - Welcome to the club lads.

I've updated the clubs finances so you can check how much you owe <here>. I know I go on and on and on about this lads, but managing the clubs finances is a lot of work, and if some members don't pay, or don't pay without constant hassle then it really is a pain for me. Please do your best to pay at least half your subs (£50) by the first match of the season on 1 May 2010.

I know we are only just into 2010, but Big Malc is already looking to sort out the matches for 2011. Up to now we are looking at:

Woodlands (as usual)
Candy Corner (Hoskers) - last match of season
Porland Waters

If anyone has any suggestions for venues up to an hours travel away then please contact me or Malc as soon as possible.

 

FISHING WEEKEND

The weekend is now full and it's going to be a belter with 21 Staffordshire Arms Ale-carts plus a handful of mates/hangers-on ready to rock Market Harborough. If you haven't paid a deposit or made other arrangements with me or Mark then you aint going i'm afraid.

 

FIRST MATCH

The first match of 2010 is Little John Lakes on 1 May 2010. Time to start polishing your pole fellas...

 

 

 

 


Staffordshire Arms Official Clothing Collection Now Available - T-shirts only £5 each
Contact Bob to place your order.

Friday 30 October 2009

Official 2010 Staffordshire Arms Angling Club Summer clothing collection now available for purchase. Contact Bob to make a purchase.







Wednesday 21 October 2009

The presentation night went well I felt, even though there were more than a few of us that couldn't be arsed to turn up. Billy failed to live up to previous years high standards and managed to remain sober but this was mainly due to Novice Neil's dismal effort with the top-shelfer the tight git. Karaoke was, well, erm, shall we say it was up to the typical standard of Karaoke in the Royal Oak, eh.

I've a few things to mention… Obviously with the sadness of Gerry passing away we now have a member vacancy. I'm also informed that Terry Carey will be leaving us as well as he prefers to fish with a gayer club apparently.

That leaves two spaces free. Terry Scott has asked to join two new members and has been told that it fine, but they will not be joined until they pay something towards their membership money so if anyone knows of someone who is wanting to join the club then let me know as soon as possible please as membership money talks I'm afraid.

Anyway, back to Gerry. It was agreed at the presentation night that we would remember the members that are no longer with us by naming an annual match after each of them. We've lost three members up to now and only have seven matches to play with so I'd appreciate it if the rest of you try and keep yourselves alive.

The first three matches for 2010 will therefore be:

Sat 1 May - Little John Lakes (Maid Marrion) - The Dave Harrison Memorial Match
Sat 15 May - Kiveton Waters - The Pete Barker Remembrance Match
Sat 19 June - Loxley Fisheries - The Gerry Pickford Peg One Tribute Match

"Making Our Mark (Scott)"

Those of you that were there at the presentation night will recall me mentioning purchasing some official club t-shirts. Originally they were going to be navy blue, but Neil complained that this colour would clash with his ginger hair so I've paled it down a little to this:
...which prompted the following reactions from Bri…

…Only a Handsworth GAY BOY would dream of wearing that colour, maybe it
matches your eyes, or does it go with the rest of your fishing tackle?
I suppose BOB wants a delicate PINK with lime green embroidery, and Nick and
Greg would like a nice off the shoulder number with a low drop neck to
revile the cleavage?

You'll be asking for MAN BAGS next!

Your first shirt shown was BLACK, not BLUE! And Neil, what's next..... Black
in sunshine ohhhhhh I'll roast, can we have a nice ICE Blue, that will make
me cool in the baking heat of our summer!!!!!!!!, just a reminder Neil,
apart from two "Decent Days" of warm weather, the rest of the matches we
were wearing four layers and for those of us who could we were also under
our brollies!!!!!!! I think what ever you filled your cup with went to your
head, never mind.

…Bob

I suppose you'll be having XXXXL, just so it fits over your ego!!

Pitsmoor boys, come on lets have your opinion, otherwise we will be looking
like the gayest fishing club outside of Brighton if these Handsworth boys
have their way, if we let them get away with this, the next thing will be
Base Ball caps (In ICE Blue, of course) with "STAFFORDSHIRE ARMS A.C. Out of
the closet since 2009" wrote on them

Cheers
Brian

Well Brian…The first shirt was Blue not black, but perhaps not the pale squallid blue (and white) that usually adorns your adonis like physique.

As a compromise, i've gone with a slightly lighter blue (but not the pasty blue that Neil needed to complement his Ginger hair).

I've also chuffed about and negotiated a significant discount for us and compromised by not having a logo on the back. I've simply gone for a blue t-shirt with 'Staffordshire Arms AC' embroidered on the left breast.

The cost will be just £5 per shirt (members) and that includes £1 per shirt to go to the club.

You can thank me by buying me a beer. Also - Gok Wan's been in touch and he's looking to feature us in the next series of How to Look Good Naked. I've told him we'll do it.



Fishing Weekend - No Deposit = No Place

After last years weekend where I was chuffed about no end and it ended up costing those that did go more than it should Have done I've decided to be more conservative in my approach this year and have only booked 15 places in the hotel. It looks like this year will be a sell out though because I know of at least 3 new people who are going.

So. You will need to pay your deposit to go on the weekend. And note also, that the cost of the trip will be shared equally amongst those that go regardless of whether you choose to take your tackle in your own car/only stay one night/don't have a meal etc etc. This is a package trip - not bleedin Ryanair !!!

On a final note - I am now taking membership monies for 2010 so get paying please.


Speak soon Lads,

Sideshow Bob x







Tuesday 29 September 2009

Gerry Pickford - RIP
We will remember our good friend Gerry Pickford who has left us for that feature laden number 1 peg in the sky... (unless it's a bad peg - he'll have another one if that's the case !).

Take care fella and tight lines - you will be missed.


Thursday 24 September 2009

I am informed that Gerry's funeral will take place at Grenoside Crematorium at 11:45am on Tuesday 29 September 2009.

Bob


Saturday 12 September 2009

It is with deep sadness that I update this page with news of the death of one of our members. I understand that Gerry Pickford passed away this morning . Gerry fished regularly with our club and i'm sure I speak for all the club's members in saying that he will be missed and in passing on our sympathies and kind thoughts to his family at this sad time.

Bob :-(

10 September 2009

FISHING CLUB PRESENTATION NIGHT IS ARRANGED FOR FRIDAY 16 OCTOBER 2010


9 September 2009

That's it. All over bar the presentation night. Neil's won - well done Novice, Joff second, and Les (yes Les) is third. From my point of view the fishing has not been the best this season so I've had to look for entertaining subject matter in other areas. I look back fondly on my thoughts of Mark's top two sections swimming round Woodlands, of Tony dropping Cyril back in the water and of the pinnacle of our angling year, the Skeg Vegas fishing weekend.

And what a weekend it was. OK, this year there was no Merv and some say that made it all the better. Of course we had the usual flatulence from Terry, and Greg had his obligatory Saturday morning hangover from hell but there were other things that made this weekend special…
There was Les winning the Friday match (I could make a comment about there only being five of us that stayed till the end and Nick coming last and winning nob all but I won't). There were the non-fishermenTony and Pete commencing their eveining drinking session on the wrong side of 10 pints apiece.
We did a few pubs...

And there was my good mate Brian Redfearn and his keep net calamity at Heron's Mead when he calmly picked up his supplied net and launched it into the water. Unfortunately for him (but fortunately for me !) he didn't realise he'd picked up two nets and one was now 5 yards out rapidly sinking in his peg. All credit to our very own answer to Rockafella though - he did go and offer to pay for the net but, no need - we'll send a frogman to get it out.
....
There is loads more to write, like the female blue comic and her fun with a wig at my expense or of Pete and his 50th birthday pink wig . Bbut I'm sure you don't want to hear about all that - it's best left in SkegVegas with a double helping of donner meat and chips I think.

We did a few more pubs...


Just to let you know that the weekend for 2010 is booked already. Vegas was good but next year will be even better - 2 matches on Gils Lake at Holly Farm and staying in the centre of Market Harborough in The Copperfield Hotel. Just be aware though that due to people chuffing me about this year, I have booked only 15 places in the Hotel so I'd urge you to get a deposit paid to Mark as soon as you can.

On a final note - I'd like to thank Brian for my new Nickname of Sideshow Bob and the T-shirt that I will wear with pride. I'd also like to thank Rhys for questioning my integrity and arguing over 50 pence (at least that's what I think he was trying to say - I think his e-mail was written half in welsh).


For now… Bob (Sideshow) x



1 September 2009

Final results are in lads, plus my first calculation of your payout has been done as well. Have a look at the results page. Whilst congrats go to Novice - what about Rockhard Redfearn eh? coming up Malc and Gregg's rear on the last match (ooh err !) to take 3rd. Well suck me off, that was a surprise, so well don Lesley.

 

31 August 2009

As soon as Joff emails me the results from Hayfield I will update the league table - a sterling performance from Les Red means that he might just have pipped Gregg and Malc for 3rd. Watch this space...

SKEG VEGAS FISHING WEEKEND

Next week is the eagerly anticipated annual fishing weekend which this year will temporarily move from it's traditional Nuneaton home to Skegness for one year only.

Two matches are booked:

Friday 4th - Water Meadows Carp Fishery - Chapel St Leonards

Saturday 5th - Herons Mead Fishing Lakes - Skegness

We will be leaving the Staff at 7am sharp on Friday morning. Meet there or meet for the match at Water Meadows which is planned to start at 11am.



12 August 2009

Neil has won the league with a match in hand. Congratulations Mr Wad.

Results have been updated and there will be a more detailed account of events, together with one or two 'interesting' photographs of those that still owe money placed on this site shortly. Watch this space !

 

31 July 2009






29 July 2009

After five matches there's still plenty to play for.

The top four places stay the same with my very self making a surging late run into fifth at the expense of Rhys 'One-hit-wonder' Gibbon who slides down to ninth taking the place of John 'I still owe forty quid subs' Beeken who moves up to sixth. Biggest faller this time is claimed by Daz 'still owe thirty-quid' Baxter who banana-skins it down to twelfth and mid table obscurity.

At the foot of the table, Tony 'Cyril' Frith climbs out of the bottom five, to be replaced by Ted Howells. Paul 'Skegness' Steedon slips a place to last having missed another match, snuggled closely by Bri 'Bob's a cheating bastard' Redfearn who looks to have fished his last match this season.

Lodge Farm is next and should sort out the men from the boys.

Just another reminder as well lads that despite me asking again and again for you to pay your subs, there are still some of you that aint paid up yet. No more nice reminders - time to step up the game and shame you into paying… Here is the current league of Tightarseness.

Tightarse Truthful fact Amount Owed
Terry Scott Virgin 80.00
Gerry Pickford Owns a blow-up doll 50.00
Joff Stocks Likes midget sex 50.00
Billy Toulson Has genital warts 45.00
John Beeken Visits gay clubs on his own 40.00
Mark Scott Will suck cock for sweets 40.00
Daz Baxter Has a 2 inch penis (erect) 30.00
Gregg Hardy Drinks urine to keep youthful 29.00
Derek Broadhurst Shoplifts from Netto 20.00

The latest league table is here


9 July 2009

Woodlands lived up to its reputation once again. Those amongst us competent enough to hold a pole in our sweaty little palms for 5 hours and make sure that the fish we caught were placed carefully in our keepnets generally had a good day. Those amongst us less competent, less able to keep hold of their pole, and less able to direct their catches into their keepnets had a mare.

Lets start with the fishing. Some good weights were had with Novice Neil once again taking maximum points with 69lb 9oz. He was fishing the peg next to me and I watched him fish consistently with paste over micro-pellets, a tactic I tried myself throughout the day with zero success. Somehow I did manage to scrape into the frame in 5th place with 26.09lb by fishing maggot hard to the margin more or less under my feet - I must have lost more than I caught though which seems to be the story of the day for most of us.

The league table is starting to look familiar with Neil, Joff and Malc all up there in the top 5. Gregg is punching above his weight in 3rd at the moment and so is Rhys in 5th - Les is not to far behind in 7th either and with no points to lose from a dropped match is well placed to make the final frame.

Come on Gregg, Rhys, and Les - lets see at least one of you take a medal this year.

At the foot of the table, there is a fight on to avoid the wooden spoon. Snek is looking good for it at the moment having missed 2 matches and fished like a tosser for the 2 that he did make. Favorite though is the other Refearn brother, Brian. Having had a difficult start to the season, he's now faced with probably having to miss the rest of the season due to work. All together now, aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Highlight of the day for me, and I'm sure everyone else came in two forms. The first was watching Tony Frith spend a good 20 minutes playing a sizeable carp. He was playing it so long and had it near his landing net so often he was on first name terms with 'Cyril the Carp' as he was called. After much splashing and thrashing (and that was just from Tony), Cyril eventually decided he could prolong Tony's agony any longer and willingly jumped into the landing net. 20 plus pairs of eyes from around the pond watched in anticipation as Tony removed the hook, and gently placed 'Cyril' back into the lake, missing his keepnet completely, much to the amusement of everyone else.

The second came shortly after and, as expected, was delivered with style by none other than Mr Calamity himself, Mark Scott. Striking into a fish (it could have been Cyril again, who knows), Mark decided the best way to play it was to let the fish swim round the lake a bit - unfortunately though, Mark failed to adhere to a rather crucial rule when playing a fish, the one that says 'Keep hold of your pole'. To shouts of 'Bastard' - Mark's top 3 left the peg like a javelin to spend the next half an hour circling the lake in full view of everyone.

What was almost as amusing was Mark's efforts to get the top three back - first he set up the feeder rod but his casting was not up to the job, and then he started dragging the lake's rowing boat down to the bank side. Unfortunately for the rest of us, top-three sank never to be seen again before Mark could launch the boat. Pity my camera was in the car, eh lads?



Right, that's it for now. Next match is Lewden Spings on Sunday 19th July. The league is now up to date and so is the finance page so if you are called Billy, Darren, Derek, Gregg, Gerry, John, Joff, Mark, or Terry then get your subs paid.

One final thing… The 2009/2010 FA King Fantasy Footy League is here again for your ritual humiliation.

Get signed up (it's Free !). Get your friends and family to sign up. Once again i've created the FA King League to while away the hours while you should be working/gardening/cleaning. For those that played last year you know the procedure. If you aren't already playing the game then you can register <HERE> for free. Once you have logged in and entered your team, click on the 'Leagues' link you can find on the right of the page. Now enter the code 17688-5998 to join the private league.

Bob x


3 July 2009

I seem to have been neglecting this site this year and, for that, I apologise. I apologise also for not updating the results and finances since the last match - this is due, not to me, but to Joff who went away on holiday and failed to e-mail me the results on time. The site should now befully up to date with results, finances, the lot so look and be happy (or not so happy if you are called Snek).

Since the last match I've lost my mind in Glastonbury - if anyone manages to find it for me there is a reward, it's sort of mind shaped and is not bad at maths but not so great at spelling.

On the fishing front, despite losing the top 3 sections of his pole and having to navigate an army style assault course mid-match, shimmying across a pipe over crocodile infested waters and battling through snow-white style thorn bushes to retrieve it, our very own Neil 'Novice' Ward has stormed into a lead that some, including me would say means "he can't lose".

Well time will tell and it should all be a lot clearer tomorrow after the Woodlands match - a match that traditionally sorts the men from the boys, the anglers from the fishermen and, well, Les and Mark from a good selection of their tackle. Here's hoping that our hard season to date will turn around and a good net full will be had by everyone (except Neil, cos no-one like's a big-head now do they, eh, Joff?).

See you all tomorrow, get your subs paid if you haven't yet done so and tight-lines, Bob x

PS. If anyone is interested, i've got some 'Jackson 4' t-shirts for sale.

PPS. Merv has entered the running for the dead-pool down from 33's to 4-1. Get your money on lads, Monster Monster.



30 May 2009

Right then, here goes. I've got myself a new all singing internet editing program that's the frickin dancer with bells on. Only thing is, it's that good that I can't work out how to use it. I've just spent the morning trying to teach myself how to update this page so if this page doesn't quite look how it should do then bear with me.

News on Derek is that he is now at home and the slow healing process is underway. He's hoping to put in an appearance at the next match which should be something to look forward to so lets keep our fingers crossed for the silly chuff eh. Having spoke to him last night, he says he's happy for me to take the piss on here so lets make a start eh, and if anyone's got anything they want to add about the decrepit old sod then send it on and i'll put it on here for his obligatory and almost ritual humiliation.

I'll start by reminding him that he still owes £20 subs and, if he could pay it quickly then it would be appreciated as he's just gone odds on favourite in the dead pool, taking over from Gregg who seems to have recovered from double pneumonia, and pushing Malc down in to third with our resident rasberry, Gerry, only joint 4th with Les Redfearn at 5/1.

Talking of Gerry, it looks like you're gonna have to fight Derek for the spaz peg when he eventually returns cos I reckon a broken hip trumps an iron lung.

In other news, i've just been opening everyone's subscription envelopes and noticed with mirth that Terry Scott's envelope marked "T Scott, Fishing Club, £20" contained only a tenner the tight fisted twat. Nice try big boy. To see how much you owe, check the finance sheet on the results page.

Right, that's it for now. Hopefully this will work and upload to the site OK. See you in a few weeks.

Bob x

 

 



18th May 2009 -IMPORTANT

Lads, Big Malc tells me that our esteemed member, Derek, had a bit of an incident with his keepnet after the match on Saturday and suffered a bad fall, breaking his hip. He's being repaired in hospital at the moment. Malc should be able to tell you more details but for the time being i'm sure, like me, you wish him a swift recovery.

Bob x

****** G E T ---W E L L--- S O O N ---D E R E K *****


13th May 2009

The first match of the season took place at Messingham Sands on Saturday 2nd May 2009. Click the results pages to see where you currently sit in the league.

Novice Neil and Joff are once again showing early season promise by dominating the match and, somewhat surprisingly, Terry Carey fished like a spaz and didn't even bother to weigh in (which is a travesty in my opinion as he was in the winning team).

Unlucky for some, Big Malc, sits uncomfortably in 13th place and, unlucky for others, Nick Bennett found himself fishing from the peg closest to where Malc left an enormous steaming pile of Bitter, Barley-wine, and Pork scratchings just before kick off.

Next match is Hallcroft on Saturday when no doubt Les and Brian Redfearn will be out of the traps like whippets trying to catch up.

Just an update on the fishing weekend - courtesy of Snek and Mick, the second match is now booked and it will take place on Saturday 5th Spetmber at Herons Mead, Skegvegas. See you Saturday fellas… Bob x





1 May 2009

And we're off… For those that are reading this today, then tomorrow is the day we have been looking forward to for months on end. The day when the piss taking recommences, the day when fresh air abounds amidst the naked smell of whatever Malc has had for his supper, the day when Terry's arse-crack will be displayed 'neath oversized red t-shirt for everyones gratification, and the day when whatever tackle Mark's bought over the winter season gets broken/dropped/lost on it's virgin outing.

Yes fellas, the 2009 fishing season is here at last… Some changes to report since last year…

1. I'm now managing club finances so if you aint paid your subs then expect to feel the full vitriol of my wrath on these pages over the next few weeks. Get your short arms and tight-fisted hands in your over long pockets and get some money in. The club doesn't run on fresh air you know !

2. Matches for 2010 are now booked.

3. I aint gonna be involved in managing the matches on the day - that's Joff's job.

Right then - the first match is Messingham Sands tomorrow:

www.messinghamsands.co.uk provides everything you need to know. Their pellets only, both feed and on the hook. Tripp Pond - draw is 8:45.

Check the match results pages to see how much subs you owe and tight lines.

Bob x





27 February 2009

FISHING CLUB SUBS ARE DUE NOW !!!

Words of advice - the photo below shows why you should never let colleagues get hold of your work identity badge!



10 February 2009

Match bookings have been made for 2010. Check the match fixtures page.


5 February 2009

Candidate for Grandfather of the year... Brian's response to me when I asked if he'd be paying young Arran's fishing subs this year...

"NO I am not paying for the little *^%kers subs, he should be paying mine I won't be going down on Friday either, don't forget to get some of this into your web page the fact that these sad ^%$kers going to see Keane!!!!!!! What's the club coming to eh mate! See you soon BRI"

Somebody needs to empty his testicles me thinks !!!


28 January 2009

Subscriptions Reminder

You can check how much you have paid or owe here

There are quite a few of you who have not paid anything yet.

Please do all you can to pay your money as soon as you can.